• Kerri Burchill, PhD

Ask for it! So you shine like a North Star

I’m lucky in that my work and clients naturally position me to reflect, to stretch and to grow. That growth might come from learning through someone else’s eyes or stretching to help someone get through a tough spot. It’s not always something that I thought I needed, but it’s always something I use in my development.


This blog is really an appreciation for how my clients help me grow, and the catalyst they all are in reflecting to see what got me here from there, what has me shining like a North Star.


One of the turning points I had came out of the start of some pretty awkward conversations.


Several years ago I had a difficult conversation with a boss. The apex of my courage came with me saying:

“I don’t feel valued.”

In retrospect, this line didn’t help me or my boss all that much. The line was so abstract, so heavy, so personal. Of course, we are always on strong ground knowing what we feel. My point is that identifying the feeling, alone, did little to find a solution.


To my boss’ credit, however, she leaned into the conversation. Her willingness to let me talk helped me come up with a strategy that I had been holding near and dear to my heart for some time, but needed an opening to put it out in the open.


In a different meeting, months later, I found the courage to self-advocate, asking, “What would that look like if I started my own consulting company?“


My boss replied:

“As far as I’m concerned, anything you do to better yourself will simply better our organization.”

I couldn't believe it.


Why had I waited so long? One line, and I felt the weight of the world off of my shoulders. As I work with clients through this same struggle to feel valued and to advocate for their needs, I see some patterns in why we all struggle to do this.


We struggle with worthiness. That sense of feeling enough, feeling worth asking for whatever we really want. Brene Brown has some brilliant insights into this topic of hustling worthiness.

The truth is, each of us is worthy. We are already the whole package.


Sometimes it takes some conversation with someone else to see that in ourselves. That's where I can help. Let's set up some time to slow down together.


Kerri

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