Chasing perfection and feeling (not-so) whole
In my work, I hear of several recurring themes, regardless of who I am coaching. One theme is that inherent need to belong. Another is the theme of being worthy. You could argue the two are entwined.
Before being worthy, one has to feel whole.
This blog is about being whole.
I recently messed up something in my calendar. I was so mad at myself. Like. Really. Mad. Not feeling worthy. Feeling everything but whole. Sure, I had iterated some fabulous head talk, which helped me objectively think through how it wasn’t a big deal, how there was zero impact on my work, etc. But absorbing that objective head talk into my emotional heart was so hard.
What did I do? I reached out to a coach!
In that coaching session, I blurted out:
“Being whole is not the same thing as being perfect.”
It seems so simple when I type it out, but in the spin of beating myself up, these words were game-changing for me. I committed to journaling and doing some more reflection on how I can work on being more whole.
It's funny how easily I can identify the pattern of what I was doing with my clients, but it is so much harder to see the pattern in myself. Maybe you find that, too. In reflecting, I have realized that I was chasing perfection, which threw me into a spin of self-berating, self-judgement . . . anything but generosity and kindness.
I believe is it the chase for perfection that creates undue stress for us. When we chase perfection, we put ourselves in a spin.
We distract ourselves from the important work of ensuring we are feeling whole.
It's not until we get to the bottom of our spin that we can really bounce out of the spin.
In my experience of helping clients and the continual work of developing myself, pulling out of the spin is virtually impossible without a sounding board, someone to help you slow down and hear yourself.
Click here to read three tips to be (even more) whole.
And for the visual learners out there, here is a video that offers even more insights about being whole.
PS - I welcome the chance to help you pull out of your own spin, or simply grab a cup of tea together. Let's find some time together through this link to my calendar.